Decompressing – day 2

We woke up sore and stiff from sitting all day the day before, and decided to find a park to “run” (we were in near the mountains, so we were realistic on our abilities.)  As we were putting on our shoes, Scott realized that he forgot his inlays, specially made inserts for his shoes, in other words THE ONE THING ON THIS PLANET WE COULD NOT BUY. Oh well.  I needed to move anyway.  He could not run or even attempt it, but he could walk, and to me, that is way better than not doing anything.

Utah state capitol, we passed it on the way to park where we walked

We found a wonderful spot up in the mountains somewhere that also had a nice smooth trail. It was quiet. We walked, we talked. We connected, we are still on the same page about many things, and honestly, lately I had been wondering. It was WONDERFUL.  There was no fighting, no whining, no asking “How much longer?”  There was no one asking for a schedule, routine, needing to know what’s next???? I felt free.  It was an amazing feeling.  I felt like the person that I had buried years ago, the person that I am trying to free, but gets lost in the chores, the running, the mothering, the person I can’t seem to be while I am caring for the needs of everyone else.

I also felt guilty, “Shouldn’t I miss the kids yet?” I wondered. Of course I missed them. I missed their smiles, their hugs, the good stuff, but it hadn’t been that LONG yet.  In those mountains, I realized that I had missed being a couple with my husband and being myself more than my kids.  I know it SOUNDS terrible and selfish, and anyone reading this can judge, but there is more of the story and it is coming.  While our honeymoon road trip was so much fun and an adventure, it was also a much-needed break from the constant demands of autism and it felt so good to let it go for a few days.

The white stuff is salt, it looked like snow or sand…

The rest of the day was spent in the car, driving another 14 hours, where we ended up in Vacaville, California.  We saw some neat things that day: The Great Salt Lake, The Salt Flats, Nevada (where we won $1.50), the Sierra Nevadas, and a beautiful California sunset.

Sierra Nevada Mountains in California. Near Tahoe National Forrest

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